Sidd, y, and kne t one t t t for many years until no asted all of it, sucked everyt of it until ed . Dead  of. Dead . Deeply, angled in Sansara,  and deato er until it is full. And full , full of misery, full of deat in ttracted .

    Passionately o kno o , to be dead. If tning-bolt to strike iger a devour fulness and sleep, and no a! as till any kind of filt soiled   committed, a dreariness of t broug still at all possible to be alive? as it possible, to breato breat, to feel o eat again, to sleep again, to sleep  exed and brougo a conclusion for him?

    Sidd, time ago, oama, a ferryman ed opped, antly ood at tiredness and ever for so, to  to se dream, to spit out tale o put an end to this miserable and shameful life.

    A  over t-tree; Sidd its trunk runk o ter, irely filled o let go and to droers. A friginess ed back at er, anso terrible emptiness in  for  to annie  to smaso  a of mockingly laug vomiting o bits of ted! Let ic, tten body, t  o bits by the daemons!

    itorted face, ared into ter, saion of  at it. In deep tiredness, ook runk of tree and turned a bit, in order to let raigo finally drooh.

    t of remote areas of  of past times of irred up. It o ;Omquot;,  quot; or quot;tionquot;. And in t ; touc spirit suddenly ions.

    Sidd  o seek deat to gro by anniing  all agony of t times, all sobering realizations, all desperation  broug, t on by t, wered his consciousness: he became aware of himself in his misery and in his error.

    Om! o  Bra tructibility of life, kne all t is divine, wten.

    But t, flas of t-tree, Siddruck doiredness, mumbling Om, placed  of tree and fell into a deep sleep.

    Deep ime  knoen years er quietly flo kno trees and t  it took  seemed to  ely distant, infinitely far aely meaningless.   moment  it, t life seemed to ion, like an early pre-birt self)--t , full of disgust and cended to t t by a river, under a coconut-tree, o  t tly, o  seemed to ire long sleep  a long meditative recitation of Om, a te entering into Om, into ted.

    a , tric, t transformed, rangely ed, strangely awake, joyful and curious.

    Siddraigting opposite to ting in tion of pondering.  observed aken ed Buddoo, but still ures, expressed zeal, faitimidness. But  recognise o find ly, ting ime and been ing for o  know him.

    quot;I ; said Sidd; ;

    quot;You ; ans;It is not good to be sleeping in sucen are and t ed Gotama, toget is dangerous to sleep. t to ayed be  seems, I ed to guard your sleep. Badly, I iredness  no youre a me go to catc;

    quot;I tc over my sleep,quot; spoke Sidd;Youre friendly, you folloed one. No;

    quot;Im going, sir. May you, sir, always be in good ;

    quot;I t;

    Govinda made ture of a salutation and said: quot;Fare;

    quot;Fare; said Siddha.

    topped.

    quot;Permit me to ask, sir, from w;

    Now, Siddha smiled.

    quot;I knoo t ook your refuge ed one in tavana.quot;

    quot;Youre Sidd; Govinda exclaimed loudly. No compre recognise you rig, to see you again.quot;

    quot;It also gives me joy, to see you again. Youve been t o, o;

    quot;Im going no to anoto teaco us, accept alms, move on. It is al you, Siddo?quot;

    Quot;itoo, friend, it is as it is  travelling. Im on a pilgrimage.quot;

    Govinda spoke: quot;Youre saying: youre on a pilgrimage, and I believe in you. But, forgive me, o look like a pilgrim. Youre inguisleman, and your  a pilgrims  t;

    quot;Rig I  said to you t I  is: Im on a pilgrimage.quot;

    quot;Youre on a pilgrimage,quot; said Govinda. quot;But few would go on a pilgrimage in suc suc;

    quot;I believe you, my dear Govinda. But nooday, youve met a pilgrim just like t. Remember, my dear: Not eternal is t eternal, anyt eternal are our garments and tyle of our e rigful people, for I ;

    quot;And no;

    quot;I dont kno, I dont kno just like you. Im travelling. I omorro kno;

    quot;Youve lost your ric;

    quot;Ive lost to slip aations is turning quickly, Govinda. ernal t.quot;

    Govinda looked at time,  in er t, ation  on his way.

    itcill, t , in ter ment,  seemed to   able to love anybody or anything.

    itcrengt  eaten for times   of t time. In ted of to Kamala, o do table feats: fasting--ing--trengtaff; in ts, noting, nor ing, nor t c fades most quickly, for sensual lust, for trange. And no seemed, now he had really become a childlike person.

    Sidd about uation. t really feel like it, but he forced himself.

    No easily perisanding  as I anding tle cies, t, I  Im no longer young, t my  my strengtarting again at to smile. Yes, e range! tupid. But  feed sad about t a great urge to laugo laug o laug trange, foolish world.

    quot;t; o  it, and as , o glance at t all.  t tended to droimes, a his?

    ondrous indeed ours it aken. As I boy, I o do o do icism, ation, man. But as a young man, I folloents, lived in t, suffered of  and frost, learned to augo become dead. onderfully, soon after Buddeac t I also o leave Budd kno and learned t of love rading ed money, learned to love my stomaco please my senses. I o spend many years losing my spirit, to unlearn to forget t it just as if I urned sloour from a man into a co a c, t, t  died. But o pass tupidity, t and disappointments and  to become a co be able to start over. But it ;Yesquot; to it, my eyes smile to it. Ive o experience despair, Ive o sink doo t fooliss, to t of suicide, in order to be able to experience divine grace, to o be able to sleep properly and ao find Atman in me again. I o sin, to be able to live again.  my pato? It is foolis moves in loops, per is going around in a circle. Let it go as it likes, I  to to take it.

    onderfully,  joy rolling like waves in .

    ,  it come from t long, good sleep,  I  I ely fled, t I am finally free again and am standing like a c to o iful is to breatments, of spices, of e te myself for staying in terrible ured myself, o like doing so muco t Sidd t praise, t to t red against myself, to t fooliser so many years of foolis singing and !

    tened curiously to omac, in t times and days, completely tasted and spit out, devoured up to t of desperation and deat ed money, filled omac ; for muc, e  most extreme moment, o destroy   t, and t  succumbed to it, t till alive after all, t joy, tly under urned gray.

    quot;It is good,quot; , quot;to get a taste of everyto kno lust for t belong to t for a long time, but I , dont just kno in my memory, but in my eyes, in my , in my stomaco kno;

    For a long time, ransformation, listened to t sang for joy.  t felt its deatime o die. as it not t o intend to kill in  years as a penitent? as t ened, and proud self, led ed er every killing, proed joy, felt fear? as it not today o its deat, by t not due to t rust, so  fear, so full of joy?

    Noent. too mucoo many oo many sacrificial rules, to mucigation, so mucriving for t goal! Full of arrogance, est, al, alep aual one, al or o being a priest, into to tuality, reated, t sat firmly and greing and penance. No t voice , t no teaco bring about ion. to go out into to lust and poo il t and Samana in o continue bearing t, teaclessness of a dreary and ed life up to to bitter despair, until Siddful, Siddually o die, mortal oday ha, and was full of joy.

    ts, listened o omacened gratefully to a buzzing bee. Co ter so er trongly and beautifully. It seemed to o tell  kno, ing ended to droired, desperate Siddoday. But t a deep love for ter, and decided for  to leave it very soon.