It didnt take long for to find out. A couple of days, maybe. I airs and asked me o on Ne, Not, ell, t isnt o think. And I was like, Newspapers?

    And ly going to be a story about you and   Martin Sin S of, only met  nig a party, dont know him very well.

    And so Dad goes,  ty is it in S t kind of party t  say anytenterever, kind of t dived in.

    Did I fuck ! tin Sil  the idea.

    It tle s, but o go on t  me. ton/Martin Sable.  for somet? A couple of o be , Id  if I were him.

    . And Im al. If  to sea by now.

    Dad pulled back tain to sneak a look, and t ted to go out and   Dad  let me;  take a mad picture of me, and Id look stupid and regret it.

    And  o do t, and in our position  all and ignore tion? Im not in a position. And , ell, you are,  you are in a position, and I go, Youre in a position not me, and ion too, and  on like t for a  it never c, really. If I  in a position t be interested. In fact, t as t in a position, tion, if you see  sat in my room and read, or got a steady boyfriend, terest. But if I  to bed in Se of no interest. terest.

    after troubled rating isnt murder, is it? Everyone goes ting p they?

    By ing inona-style, bags and clot, not pens and ss. It comes just after ponies and boy bands, and rig I could tell t it  time, and t ed to t better late t I t  o be all over t ter for Mum and Dad to t Id slept in to knoogeterally.  alive, possibly, and even Im making up my mind  ick, it  be suc ty   ing at college, everyone t man in Britain, but it er good, i.e. ts.

    tarted to t t of trouble if Id just given it anotes before Id opened my mout I didnt. I just , Da-ad. And  looked at ter tell me everyt muco tell really. I just  to ty and oo muco drink and  back to s it. And s it, as in end of story? And I , ell, no, ts it as in dot dot dot you dont need to knoails. So , Jesus C, and  down in a chair.

    But  need to say Id slept ried it on, or anyt all like t, but I  quick enougs a cter go sex, but t o be tion sort of t you dont o do exactly  says on t, do you? You can miss t, if you , and ts  it? I dont t before.) But I didnt, did I? And t didnt: before I told  Dad to find out ory in t t, tabloids, sex… I dont kno, to tell you trut much, as usual.

    So Dad got straigalked to old t Id told  and I  to anscV for a fees, and t to see if I could see t bloke, and I could, and  on his own any more.

    And t to get an early edition.  ten years older t.

    And o see, and tIN SERS DAUG.

    So t e and utter fucking e of time.

    JJ  t  time  Jesss background, and I o say t my first reaction  it ty fucking ore, buying some smokes, and Jess and Martin aring at me from ter, and I read the headline and whooped.

    t, got me some strange looks. An Education minister! ! Youve got to understand, talked like s up by a penniless, junkie ed like education itution, somet only te  to.

    But tory, it  quite so funny. I didnt kno Jesss older sister Jennifer. None of us did. Seen and seen; s abandoned near a  do. Jennifer est t  of learning to drive. t kno s ty dark about the whole child-raising scene.

    And t day, it became a  read ticle underneat tion of t I eventually realized o be Maureen and me. And at ticle, tion and a phone number.

    tion  ass tisabloid prose.

    You o give ttle credit, to me, ted of four miserable people, failing dismally to do somet out to do - somet is not, lets be , real o ac C it ory, somet make a fe, you knoo till needed to put it together.

    Ill tell you t trut off on tory a little. It ifying, in an ironic  myself, and t makes sense if you t it. See, one of t  me doy to leave my mark on t I  famous.

    Maybe Im being tle more to it t, but t  of it. Any I o t page of there somewhere.

    So I  of enjoying myself, sitting in my flat, drinking coffee and smoking, taking pleasure from kno I  of famous and completely anonymous, all at time. And t, and I jumped out of my skin.

    ? Is t JJ? A young womans voice.

    ? I ?  tand you on and Martin Sried to kill tand  sentence from eit didnt ion mark at te at the end of mine was a relief, like a sneeze.

    . You pressed the wrong buzzer.

    I dont think I did.

    deny you his address.

    Good point. these people.

    I didnt say it e stupidity of tion to float around.

    S say anytanding out treet, s my patic attempts. I vo to say anotil s away.

    Listen, s kind of reason? I dont kno mig know, you gave eaco go on.

    I dont kno t.

    ty of t? Anyt migional in our quest to find C see it.

    Did Martin S gave you a reason to live, for example? People  to know, if he did.

    I tried to tin  s, but t -lifting rat. And old us t a guest on o someone y-five years, but t   mucher.

    I cant thing, no.

    Im going to leave a card , OK? Ring me alk about this.

    I nearly ran out after emporary center of , I liked being temporary center of my o been too mucly, and t mucer sher.

    So I   television on, and made a cup of tea, and I pre, and tty to t  of tV, and it all started again. It , but I never t Id see any of telepin o explain to me t if I didnt er, t  sure  it mig I didnt tually be using them.

    Ill tell you Gods  trutll make me sound as if I  t see eac t of it. I oo old for too old-faseresting time going to parties and seeing all trange people t it  cill going back to pick Matty up, and I still o live beyond tired of. You mig s of course I am angry. I dont kno. to do , I suppose. And maybe my age, because aug to grumble,   some days - most days - I  to scream and s and break t enoug be stuck  get angry.

    Anyer t Maureen? It is.

    tropolitan Police.

    Oh, hello, I said.

    s t your son rouble in tre on New Years Eve. Sing and sniffing glue and mugging people and so on.

    Im afraid it couldnt . y.

    And youre sure  putting ty on? I even t about t you,  to make absolutely sure t youre telling te trut in case you get into trouble later on.

    or if he was.

    And youre sure  a very good actor? Oive. You see, oo disabled to act.

    But  if ts an act? Only, ts ion. t.

    s tion? I dont knoo be helpful, I suppose.

    ell come to t, madam. Can you account for s on Ne a ce  registered at first.

    t me. I didnt kno. Supposing someone from taken  and used  of thing?

    One of t you dont knoing, and tys blanket? Supposing t out drinking, and took Matty  into a figoing o someone, and t kno   er to get into trouble? ell, you could  someone, craso tually, even in ttle panic I couldnt really see  even so! t  t , I suppose. I  been  been ed to leave him for ever.

    I  er.

    Ah. I see.

    ly safe.

    Im sure   talking about y, are we?

    ere talking about ty of people in tre.

    ood Green! he way up in ood Green! No. Yes. Sorry.

    Are you really sorry? Are you really really really f— sorry? I couldnt believe my ears. I kne I t it  more errorists and suc on to members of tine inquiry. Unless, of course, sress. Could Matty, or wually killed someone?

    A child, maybe?

    Maureen.

    Yes, Im still here.

    Maureen, Im not really a policewoman. Im Jess.

    O my oupidity.

    You believed me, didnt you, you silly old bag.

    Yes, I believed you.

    S s me, so s try to make any more of it.

    look at them.

    ere in them.

    in and I are in t a laug does it say? It says t me and Martin and tery, you know, people .

    ts not true.

    Der. And it says Im ter for Educations daughter.

    say t? Because I am.

    Oh.

    Im just telling you so you kno, for a politicians daughter.

    And a er came round to JJs flat and asked ional reason.

    does t mean? e dont knoo ing.

    .

    I cant go anywhere.

    ? Because of Matty. ts one of the roof.

    Because I can never go anywhere.

    e could come to you.

    I began to flus  them here.

    No, no. Ill ting up? Later on today.

    O be able to sort anyt for today.

    So o you.

    Please dont. I  tidied up.

    So tidy up.

    Ive never elevision in my icians daughter.

    I  put on any airs or graces. ell see you at five.

    And t gave me to sort everyt, put everyt does drive you a little bit mad, a life like mine, I to be a little mad to  to jump off top of a building. You o be a little mad to come dotle mad to put up ty, and taying in all time, and t I do ttle mad. If I   tidying up. And if I   they found.

    MARtIN  I suppose it crossed my mind t my visit to toppers  be of interest to our friends in tabloid press. I  page of treet, for Cs sake, and some

    attempting to fall off a eresting t. old C, I did o sell t as Co me a particularly less individual, I dismissed t Jess , then I could have prepared myself.

    My agent called first tory out to me - I only botelegrap home now.

    Is any of true? he said.

    Bet.

    I o jump from top of a tower-block.

    Gosh.

    My agent is young, pos of prison to find t te unquote reorganization at to make t, is no stands bet  job at FeetUptV!, t cable cive Religion, and . I suspect t ball for Allboys United, if you get my drift, alts neit te teapot end of tency scale.

    I met he living.

    o jump off top of a to was purely whimsical.

    Im sure you must have had a reason.

    I did. I  yourself  events.

    e t urned a corner. Its aloucence on t person plural. Ive  of prison…, Since  of boteenage girl…quot; If t after a successful suicide attempt, it  Id never get to heo say, Since we killed ourselves… Or, Since our funeral...

    e t wrong.